No matter how much you might be looking forward to going somewhere new, leaving home is never exactly easy. They tell you this in pre-year abroad 'intercultural training', emphasising over and over again that everyone, even people two years past Freshers, will have ups and downs and this is nothing to be ashamed of. So far I've been lucky as it's pretty much been a list of ups so far. The key? Keeping busy and keeping distracted. This doesn't mean, however, that I have found some kind of solution to missing home. The downs will come I am sure.
When I left home at 18 to live as an au pair in Italy for a few months, the first couple of weeks was a constant parades of 'downs'. I wanted to come back so badly that I counted the days until it would be over. A word of advice... don't. Counting the days is not a good idea. If you have to do something like that, pick a closer goal ('five days until the weekend' etc.) and take one at a time. Nothing made those days harder than knowing there were 93 of them to go.
Not having felt that way this time I at first came to the conclusion that I must have grown up a little since then but a few more days have shown it isn't that. Being homesick isn't due to a lack of maturity nor is managing fine a sign of being grown up. Every case (and of course every person) is completely different. This time I've had more things to do and have made sure I've made lots of plans in case I suddenly don't. I've also made plans for friends and family to come out and visit and these little holidays from being on my own punctuate the otherwise solid block of months away. If I end up counting down to anything, I'll try to make it's these rather than the finish line. The other thing about that... if you spend the entire time looking towards the end, you'll get there one day (and you will get there) and realise that you didn't make the most of the time you had. I'm not saying that it's not ok to sit inside watching the most English TV available with the most English snacks that you can find in order to comfort yourself and feel at home but if this is all you do, you might just end up realising that you survived rather than thrived (though of course surviving is good).
So far I'm nearly a week in. I'm no expert in these matters but I'll finish today with a few things that I do know, both from my own experience and from looking after kids who've come to summer schools in England:
1. Being open-minded is your best weapon against missing home. When panic and homesickness set in, children (and adults too if 18 year old me is anything to go by!) react by becoming hostile to their new environments. Judging and criticising what is different definitely gives your mood a little boost but, as it's induced by your problem not the country's, it's only a very short-term solution.
2. Thinking about why you feel the way that you feel does help. Long phone calls to someone at home if you're feeling wobbly, however, rarely do. Again, they're a short-term solution. The second that the call is over you feel further away from home and more alone than before. Kids who are shaky yet tearless always end up crying thirty seconds into a call to their parents. They get more worked up than they otherwise would have done and often end up repeating 'I can't do it' like some sort of self-destructive mantra. If you feel the temptation coming on, go for a walk or have a look round a local shop. If you still feel like calling when you come home, do it. At least you tried to distract yourself and passed a little time. 3. That said, don't beat yourself up for struggling. Missing home is a sign of having a happy home and it's completely normal. Making friends helps (many thanks to Captain Obvious for that one). Remember too that there's no way that you're the only one out there that's feeling this way. If, like me, you're doing an internship where you're a couple of decades younger than everybody else, Facebook groups are a great way of meeting people. Erasmus groups often organise get-togethers and group events are a nice, safe way to make some friends.
This post hasn't been very Bordeaux specific so I apologise to anyone who was looking for tips on good restaurants. That'll come soon but at this point I'm still finding my way around and don't yet feel worthy of rating my new home. I was going to call this post 'Bonjour Bordeaux' (slightly sickening but as we all know from GCSE English, alliteration is eye-catching) but all that came out when I started writing was sentence after sentence about settling in. Despite that, it hasn't been very me-specific either. As I said, the feelings I've been talking about haven't actually hit me yet this time round but I remember vividly how horrible they are. It's called homesickness for a reason. I hope that this post might be useful to somebody preparing to go away and I hope it won't be too off-putting. The thing to remember is that it will come to an end and you really will help yourself by trying to enjoy it... the alternative is essentially trying to make yourself unhappy. My next post will hopefully move on from this less than cheery topic and be more useful in terms of what to do in a new city and how to get the most out of a year abroad. To be kept informed when I post the next one, pop your email address in and you'll be the first, or maybe the one and only (who knew blogging was still a thing?), to know!
When I left home at 18 to live as an au pair in Italy for a few months, the first couple of weeks was a constant parades of 'downs'. I wanted to come back so badly that I counted the days until it would be over. A word of advice... don't. Counting the days is not a good idea. If you have to do something like that, pick a closer goal ('five days until the weekend' etc.) and take one at a time. Nothing made those days harder than knowing there were 93 of them to go.
Not having felt that way this time I at first came to the conclusion that I must have grown up a little since then but a few more days have shown it isn't that. Being homesick isn't due to a lack of maturity nor is managing fine a sign of being grown up. Every case (and of course every person) is completely different. This time I've had more things to do and have made sure I've made lots of plans in case I suddenly don't. I've also made plans for friends and family to come out and visit and these little holidays from being on my own punctuate the otherwise solid block of months away. If I end up counting down to anything, I'll try to make it's these rather than the finish line. The other thing about that... if you spend the entire time looking towards the end, you'll get there one day (and you will get there) and realise that you didn't make the most of the time you had. I'm not saying that it's not ok to sit inside watching the most English TV available with the most English snacks that you can find in order to comfort yourself and feel at home but if this is all you do, you might just end up realising that you survived rather than thrived (though of course surviving is good).
So far I'm nearly a week in. I'm no expert in these matters but I'll finish today with a few things that I do know, both from my own experience and from looking after kids who've come to summer schools in England:
1. Being open-minded is your best weapon against missing home. When panic and homesickness set in, children (and adults too if 18 year old me is anything to go by!) react by becoming hostile to their new environments. Judging and criticising what is different definitely gives your mood a little boost but, as it's induced by your problem not the country's, it's only a very short-term solution.
2. Thinking about why you feel the way that you feel does help. Long phone calls to someone at home if you're feeling wobbly, however, rarely do. Again, they're a short-term solution. The second that the call is over you feel further away from home and more alone than before. Kids who are shaky yet tearless always end up crying thirty seconds into a call to their parents. They get more worked up than they otherwise would have done and often end up repeating 'I can't do it' like some sort of self-destructive mantra. If you feel the temptation coming on, go for a walk or have a look round a local shop. If you still feel like calling when you come home, do it. At least you tried to distract yourself and passed a little time. 3. That said, don't beat yourself up for struggling. Missing home is a sign of having a happy home and it's completely normal. Making friends helps (many thanks to Captain Obvious for that one). Remember too that there's no way that you're the only one out there that's feeling this way. If, like me, you're doing an internship where you're a couple of decades younger than everybody else, Facebook groups are a great way of meeting people. Erasmus groups often organise get-togethers and group events are a nice, safe way to make some friends.
This post hasn't been very Bordeaux specific so I apologise to anyone who was looking for tips on good restaurants. That'll come soon but at this point I'm still finding my way around and don't yet feel worthy of rating my new home. I was going to call this post 'Bonjour Bordeaux' (slightly sickening but as we all know from GCSE English, alliteration is eye-catching) but all that came out when I started writing was sentence after sentence about settling in. Despite that, it hasn't been very me-specific either. As I said, the feelings I've been talking about haven't actually hit me yet this time round but I remember vividly how horrible they are. It's called homesickness for a reason. I hope that this post might be useful to somebody preparing to go away and I hope it won't be too off-putting. The thing to remember is that it will come to an end and you really will help yourself by trying to enjoy it... the alternative is essentially trying to make yourself unhappy. My next post will hopefully move on from this less than cheery topic and be more useful in terms of what to do in a new city and how to get the most out of a year abroad. To be kept informed when I post the next one, pop your email address in and you'll be the first, or maybe the one and only (who knew blogging was still a thing?), to know!
À la prochaine.
Always lovely to read your news Poppy! Wonderful advice and I would give a lot of the same. Looking forward to your next post and watching the number of croissants increase. Bon chance! (not that you need it). Love from california xx Karla
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